Monday, Monday

Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me;

Fight against those who fight against me. 

Take hold of buckler and shield

And rise up for my help.

- Psalm 35:1-2

Wow! What a day!

I've gotta say, I think today was the definition of a Monday. In fact, I don't really know why I'm staying up to write this post. I oughta just go to bed and start over tomorrow.

Without going into detail, it had some of everything. Time pressure. Unexpected obstacles. Meetings that ran longer than they were supposed to. Rescheduled meetings. Misunderstandings. Personality conflicts. Abrasive emails. And on and on.

There was a time today when I lifted up a prayer of exasperation. I just wanted to God to resolve it all and make my day easier. Is it worth it? Why, God, would you put me through a day like this? 

And then I went to the Psalms.

Now, that's a good thing to do when we pray. The Psalms have about every range of human emotion, and they are all expressed to God - which is the right place to go with our joys, sorrows, triumphs and frustrations. So that's where I went. Looking for just the right prayer of desperation, crying out to God for relief.

As you can see at the top, I did not find support for my whining. I found perspective.

Psalm 35 is just one of many Psalms where King David prayed to the LORD for help. For rescue from his enemies. For relief.

But unlike me, there were actually people trying to kill him. He had enemies trying to overthrow his reign on the the throne God had established. There were people attacking his character and good name. Real trouble.

Me? I had a bad day. Stress. Woe is me.

Now don't get me wrong, I believe the Psalms are there to give us the words to pray on days like this. No, nobody at my office is really my enemy. Nobody is trying to kill me, or even get me fired. I work with great people and I enjoy them all. 

But I do have enemies and they are out in force on days like this.

Satan.

My flesh.

The forces of evil.

They're trying to tear me down. They're trying to tear you down. And they would love for us to end a day lie this feeling defeated.

So we pray. We go to the Scriptures for the words to pray to a real God who is really there and has really revealed himself.

And he comes to our rescue. And that makes Monday not quite so, well....Monday-ish.

In memory of Phil Richardson

You never know the influence you have on others. You just don't.

The year was 1987 and it was the biggest faith leap of my life. Through a series of events, I knew that God was leading me away from a teaching career but I didn't know exactly what he was leading me to. Then, at a lake party for a friend who was getting married, I was given a name and phone number. It was Phil Richardson of Alfa Insurance.

I gave Mr. Richardson a call, and over the next two weeks I interviewed with four different people at Alfa. After much prayer and thought, on July 9, 1987, I began my career as an actuary.

Mr .Richardson passed away this last Thursday morning, and we will be saying goodbye at a service tomorrow. As I look back over my career, I can't express how much this man did for me. He got the process started for me to begin my career as an actuary. His leadership created a successful company that God has used to bless me over and over. About two years into my career, he made the decision that the future of the actuarial function should be in the hands of this kid and supported me in every step of my growth. He gave me advice countless times (some would say his "advice" could be harsh - I never saw it that way) and taught me principles that I still quote today. He was a true leader and I will always be thankful.

But the thing I will remember most about Mr. Richardson was when he pulled me aside one day in the fall of 1996. I had just come back to work after facing the aftermath of a pool accident that claimed the life of my sister and left my niece horribly injured. I was crushed and it was hard to see how to face each day. Well, he took me in his office and confided about the way that he had lost his son to an accident almost 20 years earlier. And he told me that when I needed to, I needed to find a room, close the door, and just cry. I knew he spoke from experience, and it was incredibly moving.

That is the Phil Richardson I knew and will miss. He will stay with me in so many ways. Goodbye, Mr. Richardson.

Reflections on a season

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

- Ecclesiastes 2:1 (NIV) 

I love lazy weekend days. I spent probably two hours this afternoon, sitting on my sister's back porch. A little conversation, a little napping, and a little thinking. And I thought back some 30 years...to a time when I could not see the path.

I spent most of my time in college thinking that God was calling me to YoungLife staff. I don't think I was wrong, I just think the calling was for a short time so he could teach me some things about myself.

What I learned was that I could serve the Lord without ministry being the source of my paycheck. That God was mostly concerned about developing my character and drawing me close to him, regardless of how I would make a living. I just needed to love him and stay close to him. Thus began a six-year period that you could call drifting.

You could...but you would be wrong. It was a season where God was teaching me exactly what I needed to know to live the life he had for me.

I spent some time on YoungLife student staff, helping the ministry through some difficult times. I felt the pull in another direction, toward teaching. So I spent almost two years going back to school for another degree. This was when I shared a trailer with the person who would become my lifelong friend - really more like a brother. I learned to be content with very little. I then went to teach middle school, and spent three years learning so much about myself - including the fact that I do have a temper that I need God to control.

And then the biggest lesson of all. I know God wanted me there for those three years, but I also was learning that it was not for me long term. So I resigned my position in February, effective at the end of the school year. My mom thought I was crazy. My friends thought I was crazy. Everybody asked, "What are you going to do? Do you have a plan? How can you just quit your job without a plan?"

To make a very long story short, a series of circumstances led me to an interview with Alfa about a profession that I had never heard of. And voila, a few months later I was an actuary-in-training. The rest is history. I cannot imagine another path for my life that would have been more fulfilling and more glorifying to God than where I ended up. I have the friends I have, I live where I live, I have served God where I have served him, all because of that one path.

Here's the thing: it took a long time to feel settled. I spent the years between 21 and 27 with no idea of a clear path for my life. I had not even heard the word actuary (that I remember) and yet it was God's plan for me. I was confused and frustrated more times than you can imagine. And I think my parents were even more so.
_____________________

As I read Scripture, I see that my path is not so unusual:

• Moses was a young man with a promising future in Egypt until he killed a man who was threatening his kinsman. He waited another 50 years or so before God appeared to him in the burning bush and revealed his purpose.

• God chose David to be king as a boy, but he labored through years of serving under a paranoid king who would try to kill him before ultimately becoming what God intended.

• Joseph was destined to be the second-in-command of Egypt and save his family from famine. But before he got there, he was sold into slavery by his brothers, falsely accused of sexual assault, and thrown into prison. Years and years before he ended up in the spot God was preparing him for.

I could go on and on. Peter. Paul. Jacob. Even Jesus - God in the flesh - was living at home working with his father as a carpenter until he was 30.

God is a patient God. I am so glad he knows better than us.

_____________________

And so I look back. And I know that while I was wandering in my own personal wilderness, God had something great for me. Friends. Family. Career. Ministry. All in front of me if I would just trust him.

I know it's not over. I know as I'm writing this that I might sound like some old man on his deathbed. I don't know, but I'm not planning on it. What I do know is that God leads us day by day, not by showing us a roadmap. And I'm grateful.

I can't wait for tomorrow!